Baby Sleep Habits: Interview with Dr. Joanne Baum

 

Dr. Baum developed the philosophy and techniques of "Respectful Parenting" while she worked with individuals and families in her private practice over a 30-year period. Respectful parenting is a practical, teachable, child and parent-centered approach. It provides tools for parents so they can raise healthy, independent children with a positive self-esteem.

How much sleep does a baby really need?

A baby needs A LOT of sleep. Each baby will teach his or her parents how much he or she needs. As a parent, you will know when your baby gives you her "I'm too tired" cry that it's time to cut the stimulation and help your baby soothe to sleep. This can be with nursing, a bottle, rocking, a quiet room with soothing music - whatever works best for your baby.

Can babies be "trained" to sleep all night, even if they are only a few months old?

Babies may be "trained" to sleep through the night. However, if an infant wakes up crying and is hungry, it is best to feed your baby before trying to soothe your baby back to sleep. The old adage "just let the baby cry itself to sleep" is not necessarily what today's developmental specialists believe is best for your baby.

Your baby gets powerful positive messages for his developing self esteem when his needs are being met. A baby's small tummy has certain needs which do not necessarily take him through the night. If your baby wakes up and is crying for food, take care of that need and then your baby will have a more restful, peaceful night.
Nursing babies usually need to be nursed every hour and a half to three hours throughout the night. That is during infancy and until their tummies grow enough to take in enough for a longer rest in between nursings.
When you "train" your infant to sleep through the night too early, you're telling your infant that your adult needs are more important. That is not healthy for your baby's self-esteem, self-confidence and budding sense of self.
After a few months, when their bellies have grown, babies can begin to go longer. But each individual baby is different. I suggest following your baby's lead and talking with your baby.
When your baby cries, if you go in, rub her back and talk soothingly. If that is enough, your baby will fall back to sleep. If it isn't enough, a diaper change or a nursing or feeding may be in order. Avoid "playing" with your baby during the night and making it too much fun or over stimulating your baby. Sometimes when babies wake up all they need is reassurance that their world is safe. By talking calmly and patiently, you can provide that to your baby and your baby can fall back to sleep.

What is your opinion on letting a baby "cry it out"?

My opinion about letting a baby "cry it out" is that it gives all kinds of messages to your baby about whose needs are more important - yours or his - that you don't want to give.
We now know you can't "spoil" an infant. We also know that in order to optimize a child's self esteem you want to address your baby's needs in a timely manner. Being hungry is a true baby NEED that needs to be addressed.
During feedings you are looking at your baby, focusing on your baby, and possibly talking soothingly to your baby. These are all important and essential building blocks for your baby's self esteem, social development, and verbal development.

What suggestions do you have for helping a baby get to sleep?

1. Nursing
2. Feeding
3. Holding calmly
4. Soothing talk
5. Soothing music
6. If you are nursing, sometimes it helps for the non-nursing parent to respond to the baby's cries and try to soothe the baby back to sleep or offer a bottle if simple soothing and verbal reassurance isn't enough
7. Any combination of these. It's important to hold a baby calmly and lovingly and not to be angry about having to wake up yet again.

This period is short lived in your life. Sleep deprivation will not go on forever. It's important to be willing to put your baby's needs in front of your own and respond compassionately to your baby's cries. When you respond lovingly and respectfully, you will have a happier baby.

How should parents handle a baby or toddler that begins to wake during the night?

• Be reassuring, soothing, and caring but not extra fun when you respond to a toddler at night.
• Be present for your toddler during the day so he doesn't need that extra attention at night.
• You can try putting on soothing music when you go in to check on your toddler.
• If it persists, during the day ask your toddler about his day at child care - see if there is something upsetting your child. Possibly do surprise visits to make sure everything is okay at child care.
• Look at your martial relationship. Is your toddler picking up on tensions in the house which are making him feel like life is not that safe and secure and so he needs more reassurances of your presence at night?
• If there are tensions at home that your toddler is picking up on, try and resolve them peacefully. Are you pre-occupied with work or other concerns so your toddler is trying to get attention from you at night if your energy and attention is not available during the day?

What other information would you like to share with our readers regarding this topic?

Sleep can become a power struggle or test of wills. If you are gentle, understanding and compassionate without being over-stimulating, you can avoid this frustrating set of circumstances. Treat it matter-of-factly but caringly. Don't make a big deal about it and usually things calm down. If not, seek help from your pediatrician.

AMI MAANSI !